How He Loves
Saturday, May 1, 2010
A big problem I have in my life is jealousy. It has been the destroyer of many friendships and the root cause of many difficult times in my life. I have often wondered why I struggle with jealousy so deeply. Am I really that insecure about myself? Perhaps partially, but I have finally I come to realize the biggest push behind my jealousy issues.
My love language is Quality Time. That has been clear from my childhood. From daddy/daughter dates that I have always loved, to the nightly ritual of reading with my mom that became very difficult for me to let go of as I grew older. I feel most loved by people and feel like I express my love for them the most when I am able to spend plain and simple time with them. When another person takes that quality time away, my jealousy overcomes my emotions and I harp on it for way too long.
Today, this thought hit me: "For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God." (Exodus 20:5b) Yes, I am completely aware that God's jealousy is WAY different from mine… but what I realized is that what sparks my jealousy is the same thing that sparks his. He just wants quality time with me. God wants my full attention and when I give that attention to other things, he becomes jealous for me. I hurt him the same way I get hurt by others. Every time I neglect to spend time with him, he just watches in sadness, waiting for me to turn his way.
I wanted to understand a little bit more about God's jealousy, so I went to the trusty ole internet and found a few things. One site basically described God's jealousy more like zeal "Being jealous and being zealous are essentially the same thing in the Bible. God is zealous—eager about protecting what is precious to Him." I AM precious to him, which is awesome! It pains me to realize that he obviously isn't as precious to me as he should be because if quality time is my love language, why am I not giving him that love? Why do I go without reading my bible for a few days and not feel guilty about it? Why do I neglect my prayer life like I do? If he truly is precious to me I should be devoting all my time to him. Instead, I am wasting it by moping around waiting for my friends to want to be with me.
Lesson learned? Probably not, but at least I'm starting to get the picture. I now see the combined task of overcoming my issue of jealousy AND re-prioritizing how I spend my time. I DO want to spend quality time with those I love, but God is the #1 love of my life and I need to give it to him. My friends fall in line after him. The awesome part is I know the more time i spend with God, the more peace and security he will give me in my friendships.
He is jealous for me,
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
My love language is Quality Time. That has been clear from my childhood. From daddy/daughter dates that I have always loved, to the nightly ritual of reading with my mom that became very difficult for me to let go of as I grew older. I feel most loved by people and feel like I express my love for them the most when I am able to spend plain and simple time with them. When another person takes that quality time away, my jealousy overcomes my emotions and I harp on it for way too long.
Today, this thought hit me: "For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God." (Exodus 20:5b) Yes, I am completely aware that God's jealousy is WAY different from mine… but what I realized is that what sparks my jealousy is the same thing that sparks his. He just wants quality time with me. God wants my full attention and when I give that attention to other things, he becomes jealous for me. I hurt him the same way I get hurt by others. Every time I neglect to spend time with him, he just watches in sadness, waiting for me to turn his way.
I wanted to understand a little bit more about God's jealousy, so I went to the trusty ole internet and found a few things. One site basically described God's jealousy more like zeal "Being jealous and being zealous are essentially the same thing in the Bible. God is zealous—eager about protecting what is precious to Him." I AM precious to him, which is awesome! It pains me to realize that he obviously isn't as precious to me as he should be because if quality time is my love language, why am I not giving him that love? Why do I go without reading my bible for a few days and not feel guilty about it? Why do I neglect my prayer life like I do? If he truly is precious to me I should be devoting all my time to him. Instead, I am wasting it by moping around waiting for my friends to want to be with me.
Lesson learned? Probably not, but at least I'm starting to get the picture. I now see the combined task of overcoming my issue of jealousy AND re-prioritizing how I spend my time. I DO want to spend quality time with those I love, but God is the #1 love of my life and I need to give it to him. My friends fall in line after him. The awesome part is I know the more time i spend with God, the more peace and security he will give me in my friendships.
He is jealous for me,
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
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