Who Am I?

In History of Church Music with Dr. Wilhoit, we were discussing the role of a Minister of Music. He briefly stated that when getting to know people we often ask "What do you do?" And we let this define the person. He warned us not to let our job define who we are. The question we need to ask ourselves and in turn portray to the world is "Who am I?"

This is a great question. Yes, I am a student, an aspiring musician and worship leader, but... who am I? As someone who has a desire to be taking part in leading people before the throne of God in worship of Him, this question must be answered! I can so often say "I am a worship leader, I sing and play to my Savior and King, I am a church leader." All of that defines my public appearance, but who I AM defines my inner being, my spiritual status, which can either make or break my ministry.

My biggest fear, as I take these steps of faith into a life of ministry, is that I'll be a false leader. It is one thing to be a two-faced Christian who sits in the pew each Sunday, but so much more damaging to be a leader who lives one life on Sunday and another when you think no one notices. Time and time again I have heard stories of church leaders who fall into sexual immorality, drugs, abuse, everything under the sun. I have personally dealt with the damaging effect of being under false leadership. I know what it is like to look up to someone as an amazing Man of God only to be deeply wounded by their actions. It pains me to think that I could one day just as easily be one of those stories.

Who am I? I am a human. I am a sinner. I struggle with sin. I fear that if I do not get a handle on personal sins that I deal with now, as years go on they can escalate into a far bigger problem.

Ah, but who am I? I am a sinner saved by the grace of an almighty, all-powerful, loving and forgiving God. Who am I? I am a child of the one true God.

Then presents the problem... Who am I? I am a child of God who struggles to be fully dedicated to her Father. While He is forgiving of my sins and always loving towards me, I still stumble, I still fall, I still neglect Him. He sits from His throne watching me struggle with sin, and His heart breaks.

Who am I? I am an aspiring worship leader who often forgets that worship is a 24/7 aspect of her life.

The struggle within me of "Who am I?" can be so daunting! I am constantly torn between faith in Christ that He has restored me as a new creature, and my lack of faith and knowledge that I am still human. I can go back and forth with this question all day. I know having the fear of being a false leader combined with this question can do good and ill at the same time. On one hand, it will help me to be in check with my relationship with God and can be a great tool with God's help. On the other hand, it can become a tool that Satan uses to discourage me in realizing I can never reach the spiritual state I need to be in. There will always be temptation, thus there will always be some failing on my part.

So my final answer: Who am I? I am a sinner saved by God's overwhelming grace who humanly struggles with her sin nature yes has the power of Christ to overcome all stumbling blocks that Satan sets before her.

"I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13

"... God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Cor. 10:13

Let me know what you think of the new design. I haven't decided if I prefer this one or the old one more. :-)

Who am I?

Casting Crowns

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A Farewell to a Friendship

This announcement is long overdue. I'm sure most of you, if not all, have noticed by now that I am no longer a part of your 'Friends' list on Facebook. No, I did not delete you out of spite (or did I?). I simply deleted my Facebook. I know, shocker! Why would a college student EVER delete their Facebook account???? Simply put, I lost sight of the whole point of having one. I felt like my friendships were becoming fake and stale. I lacked the need to put any effort to really invest in a friendship, because I was able to sit idly in my room going from page to page until I learned everything about everyone's life. I never needed to really push for conversation and show interest in their lives. This also went the other way. I began feeling distanced from friends. I'm sorry, but a wallpost will not help me feel like we're BFFs. I want a friend who is invested in my friendship. I want to be with people who truly care to be a part of my life. This is not the ONLY reason I abandoned Facebook, it is one of the many. In fact, if you walk up to me now and ask why I deleted my page, I'll probably give you a completely different answer because I there were many factors that lead up to me saying 'Farewell'.

On to brighter things:

My life at Bryan is crazy/hectic/stressful but I love it! It is my last year, and I have already gone through many emotional moments. In fact, just typing out 'last year' caused my tear ducts to swell a bit (Random fact: Ever wonder why your nose runs when you start to cry? Your tear ducts and your nasal cavity are connected and access tears flow into the cavity. So basically, your nose is crying. This also works the other way, which is why some your eyes water up when you have allergies or when you sneeze). The thought of my days at Bryan coming to a close is bittersweet. I've loved every minute of it. Yes, every hard and challenging minute, I'll miss greatly. Why? Despite the fact that my struggles seem to be daunting every year, the education I've received, friendships I've built and life lessons I've learned, made it all worth while.

As much as I hate to be a beggar, I will now insert a quick commercial.
HARMONY HOUSE COFFEE! If you ever come to visit Dayton, this is a must stop shop! Located in our beautiful HISTORIC Downtown Dayton, Harmony House is the best coffee house in all of Dayton.
Why am I telling you about HH? Well, I am the proud holder of a Harmony House Loyalty Card. Why yes, impressive I know. ;-) Basically, it is a reloadable gift card and when I use it for 10 purchases, the 11th is free. The great thing about it is, anyone can call the shop (or go into the shop) and say "Hey John (the owner's name) I'd like to put $X.XX onto Charlee' Marshall's account." And BAM! I have coffee money. Isn't that just fascinating.

Well, that is just a creative idea on how to show your favorite college Senior that she is loved. :-)



A Farewell to a Friendship

A Change of Pace

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