Surrender Your Heart

This past week at school we had the amazing honor of having Dr. Marva J. Dawn with us at Bryan. She addressed us in two chapel services, lectured in multiple classes and hosted two Q&A sessions (one for campus leaders and one for worship council). I had the privilege of sitting in on 5 of her speaking engagements. Had I the choice, I would have followed her around all day to listen to her in every lecture.

In the two Q&A sessions that I attended, one thing she discussed was correcting our use and interpretation of the word "heart". In today's society, heart is used as a symbolism of emotions, feelings, love, etc. As Dr. Dawn pointed out, this is not at what heart is a symbol for in the Bible. Scripture uses other body parts to express our emotions: bowels and kidneys. Heart is always referring to the will of the human. As I ponder about this, so many thoughts rush to my head as various portions of scripture finally make sense. Instances of 'hardened hearts' is a hardening of the human will. "Change of heart" is a change in one's own will. "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." "Trust in the Lord with all your heart." I just have so many thoughts on this idea that I do not even know where to start!

I had so many directions I wanted to take this blog, but as the days have droned on of me struggling with how to semi-thoughtfully put this together, my direction focused. "Trust in the LORD with all you heart; and lean not on your own understanding." Prov. 3:5 This verse is ingrained in my memory forever. Partially due to hearing the song that quotes this (which if I remember correctly is from Patch the Pirate. Oh the memories!) but largely due to the fact that Mom had us girls memorize Prov 3:5-7 when we were younger. Once I thought of this verse as "Trust in the LORD with all your [WILL]; and lean not on your own understanding." The idea of total surrender of the will to God made so much sense. Yes, God wants our emotions, our love, our attention, but above all he wants our will, our driving force, our main function (when you think about it, the beating heart of a human does seem to share more similarities with human will than will human emotions).

Now comes the great debate... dun dun dun! Calvinism vs. Free Will. Do I think you can make a Scripture based argument for both? Why yes I do! (I think God did that on purpose. He tells us in the bible that there are many things about Him that man will not be able to understand. I think this is one of them) I have read books, sat in on lectures and enjoyed a debate or two discussing both of these views. Here is how I can see both coming into play. Yes, I do believe that we humans have Free Will. Ultimately, God is Sovereign over all but he allows us to make our own choices so we can realize our dependence on Him. What God wants is for us to surrender our will, our hearts, to Him. He wants us to give Him our all. He is waiting to hear each believer say to God, "Lord, you gave me this free will and now I surrender it to you. Take complete control of my heart!" I'm not trying to spark a debate over Free Will and Calvinism, most of you know that I think far too much time is spent debating this issue instead of just focusing on the fact that we are commanded by Jesus to share the Gospel... but ANYWAY what I am trying to do is show how these two views can come together at the one point of surrendering the will to God. I feel that Calvinists focus so much on the fact that God is Sovereign that they never stop and examine their own lives on how their free will has taken over in areas and that it needs to be surrendered. I think those who believe in Free Will spend so much time focusing on the fact that they have a free will and they diminish God's Sovereignty in their lives. By surrendering our will, we are surrendering to the Sovereignty of God.

This may seem so basic of a concept... but let's face it, how many of us are really practicing it? We are all stubborn with God yet we think "Well, I love Him! He has my heart! I'm so awesome." No, you are a stupid, stubborn, self-absorbed Christian! Don't worry, I am one too. It's okay we can get through this together.

I really encourage all of you to go through your Bible and any time you find the word 'heart' just try re-reading the word 'will' instead just to grasp ahold of what God might be trying to say there. It has been a rather eye-opening experience for me.

Surrender Your Heart

Missing Persons

Come on, tell me you don't love the '80s choice :-P

Read more...

Who Am I?

In History of Church Music with Dr. Wilhoit, we were discussing the role of a Minister of Music. He briefly stated that when getting to know people we often ask "What do you do?" And we let this define the person. He warned us not to let our job define who we are. The question we need to ask ourselves and in turn portray to the world is "Who am I?"

This is a great question. Yes, I am a student, an aspiring musician and worship leader, but... who am I? As someone who has a desire to be taking part in leading people before the throne of God in worship of Him, this question must be answered! I can so often say "I am a worship leader, I sing and play to my Savior and King, I am a church leader." All of that defines my public appearance, but who I AM defines my inner being, my spiritual status, which can either make or break my ministry.

My biggest fear, as I take these steps of faith into a life of ministry, is that I'll be a false leader. It is one thing to be a two-faced Christian who sits in the pew each Sunday, but so much more damaging to be a leader who lives one life on Sunday and another when you think no one notices. Time and time again I have heard stories of church leaders who fall into sexual immorality, drugs, abuse, everything under the sun. I have personally dealt with the damaging effect of being under false leadership. I know what it is like to look up to someone as an amazing Man of God only to be deeply wounded by their actions. It pains me to think that I could one day just as easily be one of those stories.

Who am I? I am a human. I am a sinner. I struggle with sin. I fear that if I do not get a handle on personal sins that I deal with now, as years go on they can escalate into a far bigger problem.

Ah, but who am I? I am a sinner saved by the grace of an almighty, all-powerful, loving and forgiving God. Who am I? I am a child of the one true God.

Then presents the problem... Who am I? I am a child of God who struggles to be fully dedicated to her Father. While He is forgiving of my sins and always loving towards me, I still stumble, I still fall, I still neglect Him. He sits from His throne watching me struggle with sin, and His heart breaks.

Who am I? I am an aspiring worship leader who often forgets that worship is a 24/7 aspect of her life.

The struggle within me of "Who am I?" can be so daunting! I am constantly torn between faith in Christ that He has restored me as a new creature, and my lack of faith and knowledge that I am still human. I can go back and forth with this question all day. I know having the fear of being a false leader combined with this question can do good and ill at the same time. On one hand, it will help me to be in check with my relationship with God and can be a great tool with God's help. On the other hand, it can become a tool that Satan uses to discourage me in realizing I can never reach the spiritual state I need to be in. There will always be temptation, thus there will always be some failing on my part.

So my final answer: Who am I? I am a sinner saved by God's overwhelming grace who humanly struggles with her sin nature yes has the power of Christ to overcome all stumbling blocks that Satan sets before her.

"I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13

"... God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Cor. 10:13

Let me know what you think of the new design. I haven't decided if I prefer this one or the old one more. :-)

Who am I?

Casting Crowns

Read more...