My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys

Well, as promised in my 3 a.m. blog, here is my post about my Dad, the Cowboy. Yes, I may joke with my dad about his cowboy ways, but I secretly love him for it. :-)

"Cowboy Toru" is the identity I grew up knowing my dad for. While there are many sides to my dad, without this aspect of his life he just wouldn't be the same; I wouldn't be the same. Even though I did not inherit the same love for the wild west (although John Wayne Westerns will forever be my favorite movie genre) that my dad has, my heroes will always be cowboys because my dad is my hero.

Because of my dad's great love for God and passion for the ministry, I grew up with a very different childhood. We were constantly on the road, I was homeschooled, I was 'working the family ministry' ever since I could mutter the word "Praise the Lord" and "Jesus", I can quote multiple "Davey and Goliath" movies, and anytime someone needs me to fill in for Sunday School or Children's Church I can whip out a creative children's bible story like no one's business. I actually remembered the other day how when I was around 3 my dad started calling me up on stage to say my bible verse (probably John 3:16) and then sing Jesus Loves Me. After I was done singing my dad would say, "Now Charlee, who do YOU love?" and my cute response would be, "Daddy!" Now, if anyone out there is questioning whether or not I have always been a quick whit, I do recall a few times when I'd catch my dad off guard and steal the stage even more. Sometimes I'd answer "Mommy!" ;-)

Anyways, back to my dad. A lot of people would think, "Aw, poor you. Don't you wish your dad had a normal job?" My answer is always a big fat NO! While there were times I was frustrated with feeling a lot less than normal, I have a lot to be grateful for the way my dad chose to raise his family. My dad didn't have a typical 9-5 job, so he was always around. When he worked, we worked along side with him. When it came to us girls, he always had our best interest in mind. He would go out of his way to find something enjoyable for us girls. Whether it be a fun rodeo, a visit to a Civil War Battlefield, or a baseball game. We didn't have much growing up, but dad made sure our childhood was full of a lot of fond memories.

I have come to realize over the years that I am my dad through and through. No, I may not spin ropes, shoot guns and wear a cowboy hat, but I have his same spirit. This can get me in trouble at times. We aren't the greatest socializers, we tend to be more realistic in life and yes, sometimes we can be grumps. But, we have a passion for adventure, we go for what we want in life and we enjoy spending time with the people we care about. I'm glad to be like my dad. I couldn't have picked a better person to share a personality with.

So daddy, I know you're reading this. Even though we argue and get frustrated with each other, just keep in mind that I am my daddy's daughter. And I love you. :-)

My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys

Willie Nelson

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The Answer to the Question

Michaela Rose: Mommy, what did Jesus make?

Bethany (MR's Mom): He made the world. He made all the animals, the trees, the fish and he made you.

Michaela Rose: Mommy, how did Jesus make me?

Bethany: He created you and gave you to Mommy and Daddy to take care of you.

Michaela Rose: Mommy, how did Jesus give me to you and Daddy?

Bethany: Well... remember how baby Lettie was in Mommy's tummy, that's the same way Jesus gave you to Mommy and Daddy.

Michaela Rose: Mommy, how did I get in your belly?

Bethany: Well... Jesus put you there.

Michaela Rose: Mommy, how did I get out of your belly?

Bethany: Remember how Mommy went to the hospital to have Lettie? That's the same way we got you?

Michaela Rose: Mommy, what happens at the hospital?

Bethany: The Doctor comes and he helps get the baby from the Mommy's belly.

Michaela Rose: Mommy, how did I get out of your belly?

Bethany: Well...

Auntie Char: The doctor delivers the baby to Mommy and Daddy and then they take you home to take care of you.

Michaela Rose: Oh! Ok.

Oh, the enjoyable conversations one has with 3 1/2 year olds. :-)

The Answer to the Question

Tree63

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The Bucket

I was inspired by my dear friend Lindsay (aka Linja) to create my very own bucket list. Now is time for it to be shared with you all to ensure that I strive to carry this list out.

Bucket List of Charlee' Marshall

1. Hike the entire Appalachian Trail
2. Live in South Korea for at least a year
3. Have an adventurous near death experience which will be featured on "I Shouldn't Be Alive"
4. Go camping with Bear Grylls
5. Backpack/ride the rails through Europe
6. Ski and hike the Alps (since I missed my chance due to sickness on Europe tour)
7. (build up the courage to) Hold a snake
8. Raft down the Colorado River
9. Live life as a hobo for an extended amount of time (this includes hoping a train)
10. Get a tattoo
11. Face my fear of water and go deep sea diving

There is more to this list, but for now these are the only life goals of mine that are coming to mind.

The Bucket

Kings of Leon

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Things I'll Never Say

It's past 3 am and I have my last Wilhoit final ever in 7 hours. I can already tell this will be the most random and unorganized blog post by me to date.

The worst semester of my life is roughly 7 hours from being over... I am not as happy as I should be. I feel like I may have missed out on something big God was trying to teach me through this big struggle this semester and I was too busy being frustrated at Him to find out what it was. I did learn a lot in class, about myself, and about God though... maybe I did learn what He had in mind and it just is more subtle than usual.

I want to volunteer in a soup kitchen. I tell people my spiritual gift is servanthood, yet I'm practicing selfishness these days. I do nice things for those I know and love... but when was the last time I loved someone that I don't even know? Random fact: Rhea County just opened a homeless shelter last month. hmm...

God gave me the gift of music... when did my music become more important than God?

Most days I still feel like a Freshman. When will I realize that the real world is just one step away?

One of my close friends graduates in 15 hours. I wish I had spent more time with her. She is going to do an internship in Jordan from January to May. I wish I was her.

I just want to travel, serve people and pretend money doesn't exist. Is that too much to ask? I wish I wasn't a year and a half away from qualifying to be a Journeyman.

I still miss him, but yesterday I realized I am finally over it. Now I just miss the friendship. Although, without that friendship I've come to realize how many good guys there are in my life and how I failed to appreciate them all because of one guy.

I have nothing more to say, but I don't think he deserves to be the final topic of my random blog post so I'm racking my brain for what other random thoughts I have that I need to just put out there on the table.

All I can think of is how I am going to wake up in the morning and the rambling unorganized randomness of this blog post is going to bother me... I'll probably delete it. I do think this form of blogging is very freeing though.

I should dedicate my next blog to my Dad. We frustrate each other a lot, but we love each other more. That made me tear up a bit... it's definitely time for bed.

So much for an A.

Things I'll Never Say

Avril Lavigne

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A Christmas Carol

Scrooge the Musical!!! Opens in 2 days at Bryan College in Rudd Auditorium. Oh boy! Things are coming together... slowly. A lot of costumes still aren't finished and some things still need to be smoothed out, but we have one final rehearsal and I know the show is going to be great! Anyone close by should come (not that any of you reading this blog live close by. oh well. I tried). Oh yea, I'm in it. That is why I care about this play. I would much rather be in the audience though. I love watching our school productions!

Today I had a meeting with Jessi Trigger about ideas for post-graduation jobs. She pretty much does what I want to do after I graduate (organizes worship and chapel for the college) so I thought it'd be good to meet with her. It was actually very helpful. She asked me for my top 3 passions.

1. Music
2. Ministry
3. Travel

Her first job idea was to work for OM Arts. Oh wait... I've already looked into that! Actually, it was very reassuring to know that something that I am interested in is what other people think that I would be good at/enjoy. Also, she gave me some contact information and a list of colleges that have similar Spiritual Formation programs and therefore would have similar jobs to hers. Now I feel like the broad scope of where to begin searching has been greatly narrowed down. PTL! She highly suggested two schools. One is in California and the other in Boston. I would gladly like to be involved in either of those locations (ok ok, let's get real. I'd rather be in Boston. GO RED SOX!)

One more week left of school. I should be writing a paper now (shocker!) but during rehearsal I was editing my blog layout (I think I finally found a layout that I like. This one is a keeper!) and so that made me want to write a new blog post. Next week is finals, but I don't have that many to take so that will be nice. Then I will be staying around at school for our Winter Graduation. I have so many friends graduating this semester it is ridiculous! It is crazy and emotional to think that people who entered with me as Freshmen are graduating and moving on with their lives. I thought college would never end... and here it is, drawing to a close. Crazier thought is exactly four years ago I was visiting Bryan for the first time. Now here I am, on the brink of leaving this place for good. Time flies!

A Christmas Carol

Scrooge the Musical

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Masquerade

Tonight my amazing roommate pulled off an fantastic banquet. Yes, it had it's ups and downs in the preparation, but all in all it turned out to be a great banquet. This banquet, a Christmas Masquerade, is a bitter/sweet time for the Senior class. It is our final banquet to throw for the school, a celebration of four years at Bryan that we get to share with everyone. I only just now realized that this is the last time I get to see my class cometogether and pull of something fun, elegant and enjoyable

Favorite part of the evening:

Going to see Harry Potter 7. Yes family, I am sad to break it to you but I am in fact a Harry Potter fan as of this semester. I have seen all 7 now and anxiously await Deathly Hollows part 2!

Least favorite part of the evening:

well, other than the awful way that the movie had to end, tying together a million balloons today was definitely my least favorite thing. Especially since I walked into the banquet to realize that the person who hung them ruined all but one balloon column that I made. rough!

Scariest part of the evening:

Seeing how people take what should be an elegant masquerade and ruin by dressing up like they are from Star Wars. Wow... Bryan College just has some strange people.

Happiest Part of the evening:

Realizing that despite the things I have been putting up with this semester, no matter how some friendships change, I have some great friends who make me happy in spite of it all. :-)

Masquerade

Phantom of the Opera

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Doxology

Here is another blog inspired by conversation from my History of Church Music Class.

Here is another blog written in the wee hours of the night as I am randomly inspired and avoiding a paper that is due tomorrow.

Here is another blog that is taking any inspired writing that should be put into my paper that is due.

So, what's new?

In History of CM yesterday, DW mentioned how surprised he was at the beautiful full harmony that filled the auditorium a week ago as our class closed out our thanksgiving ceremony by leading the congregation in an a cappella "Doxology". He marveled in astonishment at the fact that not only does our generation know that song well, but well enough to chime in with harmonic parts. I simply stated as if I was not surprised, "Well, of course. The Doxology is the one thing that no matter what denomination or worship style of the church, it will be sung." And then I realized, I grew up in the one denomination that probably sings this song the least, which is sad. But that isn't the point of my post. My point is a simple one that The Doxology helped me realize. No matter our worship style, whether Calvinist or Armenian, whether dipped, dunked or sprinkled, we can all join in on one common ground as a community of believers.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow

Praise HIM all creatures here below

Praise HIM above ye heavenly hosts

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost

When this song is sung, denominational barriers fall. All that is left is the glory of our God. To me, that is just awesome. That is why I love being a part of a non-denominational school. I have learned to worship and serve along side of people who were all raised in different types of churches, with different ways of doing things and different ways of understanding the Bible. Yet, all that falls to the side as we come together as children of God. After four years, I started to neglect the awesomeness of that, until this short lesson from The Doxology brought me back to a new appreciation.

Doxology

David Crowder Band

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Desert Song

For those of you who may not actually click on the song link that I include in every blog post, I am going to just type out the lyrics to this blogs song. Well, actually, the lyrics ARE this blog post. I feel this song sums up what God is attempting to teach me this season in my life. It is a hard lesson that I am learning, to bring praise to God in every season. Honestly, I have had my days where I really wonder if God really does care about me at all. It seems like struggle upon struggle has been adding up each day, and some days I just can not find it in me to praise God for the struggles. This song has been a great ministering tool to me.

Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides


And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames


And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here


And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand


All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship


This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

So

Desert Song

Hillsong

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Surrender Your Heart

This past week at school we had the amazing honor of having Dr. Marva J. Dawn with us at Bryan. She addressed us in two chapel services, lectured in multiple classes and hosted two Q&A sessions (one for campus leaders and one for worship council). I had the privilege of sitting in on 5 of her speaking engagements. Had I the choice, I would have followed her around all day to listen to her in every lecture.

In the two Q&A sessions that I attended, one thing she discussed was correcting our use and interpretation of the word "heart". In today's society, heart is used as a symbolism of emotions, feelings, love, etc. As Dr. Dawn pointed out, this is not at what heart is a symbol for in the Bible. Scripture uses other body parts to express our emotions: bowels and kidneys. Heart is always referring to the will of the human. As I ponder about this, so many thoughts rush to my head as various portions of scripture finally make sense. Instances of 'hardened hearts' is a hardening of the human will. "Change of heart" is a change in one's own will. "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." "Trust in the Lord with all your heart." I just have so many thoughts on this idea that I do not even know where to start!

I had so many directions I wanted to take this blog, but as the days have droned on of me struggling with how to semi-thoughtfully put this together, my direction focused. "Trust in the LORD with all you heart; and lean not on your own understanding." Prov. 3:5 This verse is ingrained in my memory forever. Partially due to hearing the song that quotes this (which if I remember correctly is from Patch the Pirate. Oh the memories!) but largely due to the fact that Mom had us girls memorize Prov 3:5-7 when we were younger. Once I thought of this verse as "Trust in the LORD with all your [WILL]; and lean not on your own understanding." The idea of total surrender of the will to God made so much sense. Yes, God wants our emotions, our love, our attention, but above all he wants our will, our driving force, our main function (when you think about it, the beating heart of a human does seem to share more similarities with human will than will human emotions).

Now comes the great debate... dun dun dun! Calvinism vs. Free Will. Do I think you can make a Scripture based argument for both? Why yes I do! (I think God did that on purpose. He tells us in the bible that there are many things about Him that man will not be able to understand. I think this is one of them) I have read books, sat in on lectures and enjoyed a debate or two discussing both of these views. Here is how I can see both coming into play. Yes, I do believe that we humans have Free Will. Ultimately, God is Sovereign over all but he allows us to make our own choices so we can realize our dependence on Him. What God wants is for us to surrender our will, our hearts, to Him. He wants us to give Him our all. He is waiting to hear each believer say to God, "Lord, you gave me this free will and now I surrender it to you. Take complete control of my heart!" I'm not trying to spark a debate over Free Will and Calvinism, most of you know that I think far too much time is spent debating this issue instead of just focusing on the fact that we are commanded by Jesus to share the Gospel... but ANYWAY what I am trying to do is show how these two views can come together at the one point of surrendering the will to God. I feel that Calvinists focus so much on the fact that God is Sovereign that they never stop and examine their own lives on how their free will has taken over in areas and that it needs to be surrendered. I think those who believe in Free Will spend so much time focusing on the fact that they have a free will and they diminish God's Sovereignty in their lives. By surrendering our will, we are surrendering to the Sovereignty of God.

This may seem so basic of a concept... but let's face it, how many of us are really practicing it? We are all stubborn with God yet we think "Well, I love Him! He has my heart! I'm so awesome." No, you are a stupid, stubborn, self-absorbed Christian! Don't worry, I am one too. It's okay we can get through this together.

I really encourage all of you to go through your Bible and any time you find the word 'heart' just try re-reading the word 'will' instead just to grasp ahold of what God might be trying to say there. It has been a rather eye-opening experience for me.

Surrender Your Heart

Missing Persons

Come on, tell me you don't love the '80s choice :-P

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Who Am I?

In History of Church Music with Dr. Wilhoit, we were discussing the role of a Minister of Music. He briefly stated that when getting to know people we often ask "What do you do?" And we let this define the person. He warned us not to let our job define who we are. The question we need to ask ourselves and in turn portray to the world is "Who am I?"

This is a great question. Yes, I am a student, an aspiring musician and worship leader, but... who am I? As someone who has a desire to be taking part in leading people before the throne of God in worship of Him, this question must be answered! I can so often say "I am a worship leader, I sing and play to my Savior and King, I am a church leader." All of that defines my public appearance, but who I AM defines my inner being, my spiritual status, which can either make or break my ministry.

My biggest fear, as I take these steps of faith into a life of ministry, is that I'll be a false leader. It is one thing to be a two-faced Christian who sits in the pew each Sunday, but so much more damaging to be a leader who lives one life on Sunday and another when you think no one notices. Time and time again I have heard stories of church leaders who fall into sexual immorality, drugs, abuse, everything under the sun. I have personally dealt with the damaging effect of being under false leadership. I know what it is like to look up to someone as an amazing Man of God only to be deeply wounded by their actions. It pains me to think that I could one day just as easily be one of those stories.

Who am I? I am a human. I am a sinner. I struggle with sin. I fear that if I do not get a handle on personal sins that I deal with now, as years go on they can escalate into a far bigger problem.

Ah, but who am I? I am a sinner saved by the grace of an almighty, all-powerful, loving and forgiving God. Who am I? I am a child of the one true God.

Then presents the problem... Who am I? I am a child of God who struggles to be fully dedicated to her Father. While He is forgiving of my sins and always loving towards me, I still stumble, I still fall, I still neglect Him. He sits from His throne watching me struggle with sin, and His heart breaks.

Who am I? I am an aspiring worship leader who often forgets that worship is a 24/7 aspect of her life.

The struggle within me of "Who am I?" can be so daunting! I am constantly torn between faith in Christ that He has restored me as a new creature, and my lack of faith and knowledge that I am still human. I can go back and forth with this question all day. I know having the fear of being a false leader combined with this question can do good and ill at the same time. On one hand, it will help me to be in check with my relationship with God and can be a great tool with God's help. On the other hand, it can become a tool that Satan uses to discourage me in realizing I can never reach the spiritual state I need to be in. There will always be temptation, thus there will always be some failing on my part.

So my final answer: Who am I? I am a sinner saved by God's overwhelming grace who humanly struggles with her sin nature yes has the power of Christ to overcome all stumbling blocks that Satan sets before her.

"I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13

"... God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Cor. 10:13

Let me know what you think of the new design. I haven't decided if I prefer this one or the old one more. :-)

Who am I?

Casting Crowns

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A Farewell to a Friendship

This announcement is long overdue. I'm sure most of you, if not all, have noticed by now that I am no longer a part of your 'Friends' list on Facebook. No, I did not delete you out of spite (or did I?). I simply deleted my Facebook. I know, shocker! Why would a college student EVER delete their Facebook account???? Simply put, I lost sight of the whole point of having one. I felt like my friendships were becoming fake and stale. I lacked the need to put any effort to really invest in a friendship, because I was able to sit idly in my room going from page to page until I learned everything about everyone's life. I never needed to really push for conversation and show interest in their lives. This also went the other way. I began feeling distanced from friends. I'm sorry, but a wallpost will not help me feel like we're BFFs. I want a friend who is invested in my friendship. I want to be with people who truly care to be a part of my life. This is not the ONLY reason I abandoned Facebook, it is one of the many. In fact, if you walk up to me now and ask why I deleted my page, I'll probably give you a completely different answer because I there were many factors that lead up to me saying 'Farewell'.

On to brighter things:

My life at Bryan is crazy/hectic/stressful but I love it! It is my last year, and I have already gone through many emotional moments. In fact, just typing out 'last year' caused my tear ducts to swell a bit (Random fact: Ever wonder why your nose runs when you start to cry? Your tear ducts and your nasal cavity are connected and access tears flow into the cavity. So basically, your nose is crying. This also works the other way, which is why some your eyes water up when you have allergies or when you sneeze). The thought of my days at Bryan coming to a close is bittersweet. I've loved every minute of it. Yes, every hard and challenging minute, I'll miss greatly. Why? Despite the fact that my struggles seem to be daunting every year, the education I've received, friendships I've built and life lessons I've learned, made it all worth while.

As much as I hate to be a beggar, I will now insert a quick commercial.
HARMONY HOUSE COFFEE! If you ever come to visit Dayton, this is a must stop shop! Located in our beautiful HISTORIC Downtown Dayton, Harmony House is the best coffee house in all of Dayton.
Why am I telling you about HH? Well, I am the proud holder of a Harmony House Loyalty Card. Why yes, impressive I know. ;-) Basically, it is a reloadable gift card and when I use it for 10 purchases, the 11th is free. The great thing about it is, anyone can call the shop (or go into the shop) and say "Hey John (the owner's name) I'd like to put $X.XX onto Charlee' Marshall's account." And BAM! I have coffee money. Isn't that just fascinating.

Well, that is just a creative idea on how to show your favorite college Senior that she is loved. :-)



A Farewell to a Friendship

A Change of Pace

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Wake Me Up When September Ends

It has been a crazy few weeks since my last post. My reasoning for a gap in my posting is a two-part problem: 1. My schedule is ridiculous this semester and I'm still adjusting, 2. My computer, Chuck, has gone on to the great beyond. So, the few moments I spend at a computer is never a leisure time, always just to finish up some homework. I was able to steal away my roommates computer for a short time while she is off at another one of her meetings. I applaud that girl for handling all that she does; she is VP of our Senior class AND President of Oasis (formally known as LIFE Club).

My computer dying is just one small thing that has taken place in the past few weeks. Many things have been happening, some good and some not so good. One of the good things is that I am now a Bryan College Chamber Singer. This is both a blessing and a curse, but mostly a blessing. The curse is merely because it adds more to my heavy load, and also will cause some scheduling issues with my church job. The blessing is the that I have another opportunity throughout my last year here to perform, which I love, some amazing songs. Our repertoire this year is amazing. The focus on many of the song is relying on God for strength and comfort, which is very fitting for me. The songs are all very meaningful to me this year and I foresee it being difficult to make it through a concert without tearing up.

Many of you may be wondering, "Charlee', you say you have such a busy schedule. What is that schedule like? If I wanted to call you, when are you available?" So, being the considerate person that I am here is my schedule.

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays:
10 am - History of Church Music (Senior Seminar on Fridays)
11 am - Chapel
12 noon - Intro to Fine Arts
1 pm - Weather Studies
2 pm - Analytical Techniques
3 pm - Chorale
4pm until 8pm - Church (Wednesdays only)

Tuesdays:
9 am until 1 pm - work
2 pm until 4 pm - Lab
4:30 pm until 5:30 pm - Chambers

Thursday:
8 am until 10 am - Bowling (Yes, this is a class, and it is awesome!)
10 am until 1 pm - Work
1:45 pm until 2:45 pm - Piano Lesson
2:45 until 3:15 pm - Duet Class
free until Chambers from 4:30-5:30
8 pm until 9 pm - Bible Study

Also, I practice every night from 8:30-11:00 So that's also a bad time to call. :-)
If you are looking at this schedule and thinking I don't have time to speak to you, just remember... WEEKENDS ARE FROM GOD! I'm always available then.

Now time for me to be honest. This semester is not at all how I imagined it would be. I really came in thinking that this year would be the best academic year of my life. God had other plans in mind. I am starting to realize that in order for me to realize me dependence on Him, He knew I'd need to struggle a little bit. My class load and homework load is a bit overwhelming this year. Throw in work and practicing with that and every day is a battle to not break down and give up. With my computer issues and some personal issues that I'm facing, my whole world seems to be falling apart at some moments. Yet God, in the midst of storms, seems to provide His amazing peace. I am reminded of this in one of the songs we are learning for Chambers. It is titled "I am not Afraid". The chorus states this:

I am not afraid
I am not alone
You hold me in Your hands
And will not let me go
Though the waters rise
And though the winds may blow
I will not be afraid
For I am not alone

I so glad that in the midst of all my stress, worry, weariness and yes, even drama, God placed this song in my life to remind me that I am not alone. There have been a lot of times in the past few weeks when I have felt very alone. Thank you, God, for holding my hand and never letting me go.

Now, all I can say to you, my professors, my piano instructor, and even God... "Wake me up when September ends." In other words, let me know when all this madness is over.



Wake Me Up When September Ends
Green Day

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Movin' On Up!

Today is my official move-in day to my brand new apartment here at Bryan. What a great way to live out my Senior year here in Dayton. I think I will miss dorm life like crazy, but I know this apartment will allow me to build a deeper bond with the girls I'm living with. I am excited to be living with two of my dearest friends and I am looking forward to getting to know the other three girls better.

The biggest challenge I'll be facing is secluding myself from the rest of the campus. Rudd, the music building and the building where I work, is the closest building to the apartments. The advantage is I'll have the shortest walk of anyone to class and work. The disadvantage will be that I no longer walk down a dorm hall, through a lounge, around the Triangle (our school version of a 'Quad') , through the Student Center which finally dumps me outside of Rudd. My chances of seeing people as I walk to my Musical Dungeon has just dropped from 99.9% to around 0.5%. I know I will need to work hard at spending time with people; afterall, this is my Senior year, my final chapter in 'the best days of my life.' I don't want to look back regretting a single moment of this year. What will make this a challenge is with my recital approaching in March, the stress will get to me and I will lock myself away in my pracice cell... er... room. Also, not eating meals in the Cafeteria will make seeing people even more a challenge. So hopefully I will find my balance and not it interupt my studies and music.


Back to the moving part. Let me give you all a poor quality camera phone tour of our apartment. For those of you who are a little slow, the picture at the top is the outside of the apartment. Now walking in the front door you'll see our living room, which is clearly in need of a rug, coffee table, and a TV (hint, hint).


Then as you move beyond the living room you'll find the kitchen which is fully equipped with a fridge, sink, tons of cabinets and drawers, stove and a convection oven. Yes... I will now be learning how to cook from a convection oven. Oh buddy! This will be an adventure in itself.

Past the kitchen is Kirsten and Jessica's room and to the left of the kitchen is their bathroom. Instead of showing tons of pictures, let's just skip on upstairs!


As you reach the top of the stairs you will go straight into Britney's and my room. Lovely isn't it? And big!!! See mom, I made my bed! That is all the work I've done so far with moving in... much packing left to do at the Tromanhauser's and then unpacking it here. Fun times! The closet is MUCH smaller than my old dorm room, so this may present a challenge, but Britney and I are up for it!

Lastly, we'll take you to the bathroom, which is between our room and Anna and Liz's room. The bathroom as you can see is very big! Plenty of room for us to spread out all our girly primping items... or all of their girly priming items... I'm sure my straightener and small make-up bag will fit in a drawer somewhere. What you may not see in this picture is the fact that there is a the actually toilet room to the right and behind the camera there are two seperate shower rooms. We are going from 4 girls sharing one shower to 2 per shower. How lovely! :-) I hope you all enjoyed this brief tour. Be sure to come visit for a full tour once our place is fully decorated.




Movin' On Up
Rhett and Link cover

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Glass of Water

I would like to introduce you all to the new man in my life. Tu Tuan is 15 months old and he is an orphan in Vietnam. God brought us together in a way that only He can do and it just goes to show how awesome He truly is!

This past weekend was the highlight of my summer. If there was only one reason God kept me here in Dayton for the summer (even though there has clearly been more than one), this weekend was that reason. Our youth group attended "IGNITE", a conference hosted by Precept Ministries for our local youth groups. I had an amazing time with our girls who attended the conference. The whole theme of the classroom sessions was getting dirty for God. Finding out what pleases God and how we can do just that. In our second session one of the verses that we read over was Matthew 10:42 "And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple,truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward." We never even discussed this verse, we just briefly read over it, yet it was stuck in my head for the rest of the day. All I could think about was how before college my biggest goal was to work with orphans in some way. I either wanted to live in the states and do foster care and adoption or work in an orphanage outside the US. Now I had dismissed this idea completely, thinking God had called me into some other form of ministry. I could not get my mind off of helping orphans. Part of me felt bad because I knew I was missing out on some other things being taught during the sessions due to this distraction (not that my ADD mind needs help with getting distracted), in the end this distraction was just what I needed for God to get my priorities back on track.

In our last session, I finally could understand the calling of God. He was saying, "I want you to support a little one. Give him more than a cup of water, give him food, shelter, cloths..."

"Umm... God... That's great and all. But I'm poor! Hello, I have groceries to by, a monthly school bill and other random stuff that pops up. I can't afford any extra expenses." I knew it costs as little as $30 a month to support a child through a ministry like Compassion or Holt International, but I wasn't trusting God enough to supply me with the funds.

"Just trust and obey, Charlee!"

"Yea, okay God. I'll look into it when I get home tonight."

God, having a sense of humor, and knowing I'd conveniently forget, didn't let me wait until I got home. When we were finished with our session I walked past the table of the band, Julian Drive, that was giving a concert in a few hours. I see their merchandise, and then on the other end of the table I see small packets and right away I knew what was in them.

"Alright, alright! I get the picture! I'll support a child."

So I walked over to that end of the table and began looking at the pictures of these children on each different packet. Seeing the faces, the precious faces of children in need, my heart was broken. I was disgusted with my selfishness to think that I could not help these children. After a prayer for God to lead me to the child he wanted me to support, he lead me to precious little Tu Tuan.

I am amazed at how quickly God works. From my previous post of begging God to take back over my journey it took just a few days for him to lead me along to the next step.

If you are interested in supporting a child I encourage you to look into the ministry of Holt International. It is a great ministry and a great way to give a "glass of water" to a little one in need.



Glass of Water

Coldplay

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In a State

Growing up on the road always had its ups and downs. The biggest 'up' was all the amazing things I've seen in my short lifetime. I've spent time in 31 states and 7 countries. I didn't just study geography in school, I experienced it! The one 'down' to all of my childhood adventures was being cooped up in a van the majority of my Thursdays-Saturdays (and even some other days of the week).

Now that I look back on my experiences growing up, I realize that my some of fondest childhood memories were spent in that Forest Green Ford E-350 van. My middle sister, Larissa, and I would make believe all types of life situations and pretend to be living them. I remember playing with my numerous Polly Pockets from city to city. I loved singing along to the radio with Larissa;however, I didn't love when Rush Limbaugh was on... that meant no more singing. I also learned a lot of lessons in that van. Such as "Life isn't always fair" from the fact that my oldest sister, Bethany, ALWAYS had her own bench seat while Larissa and I had to share. I learned how to read a map and calculate travel distance (this also goes under fondest memories of mine). I learned to control my bladder like no body's business. Rule #1: No bathroom breaks! We only stop for food and gas.

We actually had several travel rules that my sisters and I were expected to follow.
The rule that was enforced the most was "Three questions you are not allowed to ask: 'Are we there yet?' 'How much longer?' and 'When are we stopping?'" Instead, we would learn to ask questions such as, "What state are we in?" or "Which mile marker are we at?" With these two questions we would pull out our trusty map and discover for ourselves the distance we had left to travel. As I grew older, I began to have less of a desire to know about our ETA, I just wanted to see where we were on our journey. I developed an appreciation of our adventures not for the destination, but for the journey.

The light bulb has just come on in your brain. "So, THAT'S what her blog title and subtitle is about!" Yes, in my spiritual life I'm back to being that small child again who has the desire to say, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How much longer?!?" God just gently whispers back "It's not about your destination, it is about your journey." Starting now, I am applying the same rule to my life that my parents applied to our travels. There are three questions I am not allowed to ask God: "Are we there yet?" "How much longer?" and "When are we stopping?" Instead, I am going to continually ask God "What state am I in?" I want for Him to show me where I am on my journey so that I can prepare for the next mile marker. If I'm not in constant check of what state I am in, I will end up completely lost, confused and worried. Oh wait, that is where I am now! Um... God... What state am I in????? Would you please navigate from here on out? Thanks :-)

"...for I have learned, whatever state I am, to be content." Phil. 4:11

In A State

UNKLE

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Somebody's Praying

The Bryan Family and my Church Family are urgently praying for Amy Smith, Tony and Valarie Castlen's daughter. She developed a tumor behind her eye which is twice the size of her eye itself. On Tuesday she had surgery to remove the tumor and the doctors were only able to remove 1/3 of it due to vessels running through the rest of the tumor. The biopsy showed the tumor to be malignant. It is aggressive, meaning the tumor will continue to grow. So far they know she will be treated with radiation and still waiting on word about chemo. Amy was released from Erlanger hospital yesterday and is awaiting word for transfer to University of Alabama Hospital where she will be treated by a team of specialists in treatment of rare tumors. Please be praying for Amy and her family.
Somebody's Praying - Ricky Skaggs

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Ch-Ch-Changes

In moments of sleep deprivation, I always seem to reflect on my life... which always leads to me writing something that no one else cares to read, yet I write on regardless. Tonight just happens to be one of those nights. So, to my non-existent reader out there, enjoy my ramblings:

Life is built on constant change; yet, I'm one who hates change. The majority of the big changes I have faced in my life have not been handled too well. In the end, after days/weeks/months of groaning, complaining and moping, I always end up satisfied with the results of change. If the world revolved around me and my wants and certain changes were not made, I see how my life and the lives of those that I love dearly would be deeply effected: My sisters would not be married to their amazing husbands, my parents would be stuck in a miserable church situation, my dad's ministry would not have grown to what it is today which is impacting the lives of thousands, and someone I care for deeply would be stuck in a miserable relationship. WOW, being selfish is well... SELFISH!
Now looking forward in my life, I see that change is soon(ish) to take place. Graduation is 10 months away, and the kiddie-coaster of my life will take a 97 degree drop down 418 feet, include countless loops, and reach speeds of over 128 mph (for those interested to know, that description included info from roller coasters with highest degree descent angle, longest drop, and highest speeds reached) causing ultimate fear, thrill, screams, laughter, tears, and definitely major wind-blown hair. Yes, my easy-going ride is about to change big time.
I love where God has me in life now, I can't imagine leaving it all behind in just a few short months. While at times this whole college thing has not been the easiest ride in the kiddie park, it has always been a fun one. There have been twists and turns along the way that I haven't expected (are you ready for me to be done with the roller coaster analogy yet?) but all in all I've enjoyed my time. Especially with staying in Dayton this summer, this feels like home to me. I have always had a fear of being 'one of those students' who graduates and never leaves Dayton, but I actually can understand why many students do settle down here.
Back to life changes. My least favorite question that EVERYONE seems to be asking me these days is "So, what are your plans after you graduate?" If anyone sticks around long enough to hear me answer this question more than once, they'll realize I never give the same response to this answer. Why? Because I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do when I graduate! Coming to Bryan I had one goal: Get a degree in Music Technology in order to move on to become rockin'-awesome music producer. After Freshman year, that plan changed. God sent me the direction of Music Ministry. Mainly because it had the classes I was very interested in taking, but each day I grow a stronger passion for leading musical worship. When I stop and think about it though, I wonder, "Do I really want to do this the rest of my life?" Then I realize... the thought of doing ANYTHING for the rest of my life is terrifying!
Yes, I know, statistics show that many people end up not working in their field of study AND often make at least one major career change post-graduations. Even with knowing that fact it is still a crazy thought to know I am just months away from jumping into the world of craziness that I have been more than happy to not take part in.
In my own selfish world, I would remain a slacker who spends her days hanging out with awesome roommates and friends chatting about the latest campus drama. I would continue enjoying my dreams as just dreams, because the thought of reaching for those dreams only to find out that I'm too short to reach them (shocker!) is just too devastating.
At some point in my selfish world, God gives me a reality check. My dreams HAVE been coming true. God has reached my dreams for me, while I've sat idly waiting like an ungrateful, spoiled child. I am about to be the first one in my family to graduate with a 4 year degree. I was given the opportunity to travel Europe with some amazing friends. God gave me an awesome ministry to work in where I get to use my talents for him. I am taking lessons from one of the top ranked piano instructors out there. I am happy where I am in life because my dreams ARE coming true... so why am I so scared for those dreams to fade as new ones come along? Because I'm human and have weak faith. Awesome part? God thankfully takes these opportunities to show me how awesome He is.
With that said, am I still clueless about what's ahead. Duh! Am I still reluctant of the change I'm about to face? Who isn't? Am I still terrified? Slightly. Is God in control? Thankfully!

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven... He has made everything beautiful in His time..." Ecclesiastes 3:1&11a

Changes

David Bowie

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How He Loves

A big problem I have in my life is jealousy. It has been the destroyer of many friendships and the root cause of many difficult times in my life. I have often wondered why I struggle with jealousy so deeply. Am I really that insecure about myself? Perhaps partially, but I have finally I come to realize the biggest push behind my jealousy issues.
My love language is Quality Time. That has been clear from my childhood. From daddy/daughter dates that I have always loved, to the nightly ritual of reading with my mom that became very difficult for me to let go of as I grew older. I feel most loved by people and feel like I express my love for them the most when I am able to spend plain and simple time with them. When another person takes that quality time away, my jealousy overcomes my emotions and I harp on it for way too long.
Today, this thought hit me: "For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God." (Exodus 20:5b) Yes, I am completely aware that God's jealousy is WAY different from mine… but what I realized is that what sparks my jealousy is the same thing that sparks his. He just wants quality time with me. God wants my full attention and when I give that attention to other things, he becomes jealous for me. I hurt him the same way I get hurt by others. Every time I neglect to spend time with him, he just watches in sadness, waiting for me to turn his way.
I wanted to understand a little bit more about God's jealousy, so I went to the trusty ole internet and found a few things. One site basically described God's jealousy more like zeal "Being jealous and being zealous are essentially the same thing in the Bible. God is zealous—eager about protecting what is precious to Him." I AM precious to him, which is awesome! It pains me to realize that he obviously isn't as precious to me as he should be because if quality time is my love language, why am I not giving him that love? Why do I go without reading my bible for a few days and not feel guilty about it? Why do I neglect my prayer life like I do? If he truly is precious to me I should be devoting all my time to him. Instead, I am wasting it by moping around waiting for my friends to want to be with me.
Lesson learned? Probably not, but at least I'm starting to get the picture. I now see the combined task of overcoming my issue of jealousy AND re-prioritizing how I spend my time. I DO want to spend quality time with those I love, but God is the #1 love of my life and I need to give it to him. My friends fall in line after him. The awesome part is I know the more time i spend with God, the more peace and security he will give me in my friendships.

He is jealous for me,
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

How He Loves - David Crowder Band

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